feigning offense

some have said these nights suit me. i would feign offense.

the once elastic doesn’t snap back. it starts to loosen at the eyes.

i took a nap and now i’m making pasta and thinking about baking a cake. every cell of my being is deprived. i need something chocolatey to chew on. i need to seep into the assurance of a sunny day. i need sleep. the touch of something pure will always help as will the dissolution of the fog. there is beauty in that i can always go to the store. waiting for the voice of another to resonate to the point of stilling me. stretching metaphors past my reach, trying to assimilate old memories into the new me.

something sinister has reached me. this morning when i let the silence and the girls’ empty comments validate my insecurities. when the exhaustion and the heavily clouded sky procured a nondescript sadness too sly to evade.

my friend and his attention to me. my de-shelling around him betrays my fears. the ghosts of the walls i could never hold up make me feel like i put on my skin inside-out this morning. please don’t love me like this. don’t make me watch resent simmer in each of our proceeding interactions. i know this too well.

i let this thing escape me. delivered it from my heart, wanting to see it in the light. an artifact, now. it was perhaps like birthing a stillborn child.

time and warmth penetrate.